In a very...very long time...

Yesterday... I was so excited..
Everything is falling into place..
I like someone, and they say they like me back. I'm going to spend time with my friends and see a movie, which we haven't done in a long time.. And then i'll be spending the next day with the one i really like..

I was so excited, i had been talking about pretty much since Wednesday. Saturday rolled around, and i woke up at about 10~ in the afternoon because i needed to take a shower.. When i opened the door, a release of air coming from those fat little nostrils came forth. There sat Ryoko, looking up at me like "Morning! Can i sleep in your bed?" like she usually does... It was such a nice greeting, for such a perfect day. I said "Hey Pokies, morning." and petted her...kissed between her eyes and went to the shower...

After the shower, i began cleaning... I noticed there was an absence in my dogs, but i figured they were just with Tara, or sleeping in my parents room still...
And so i cleaned, for an hour or so. I look into my mum's room and see a fat little Ryoko laying against my mum's clothes hangers. I go in and pet her, because i felt like i should. That kind of ...absent feeling, where you know you have to say something, but you can't remember.. So i told mum she had a fat lazy dog in her room.. We stared at Ryoko and pet her, her fat-winces coming forth everytime i moved my hand, and my mum making fun of her tired face, with her puffy lip.

I leave, because i wanted to get cleaning-time done before Zazu and Kendra arrive.. And i also wanted to talk to Braden and Gina for a little..

Which is exactly what happened, i got dressed after talking to them, and left with Zazu and Kendra...
We went to Larkin's, of which we stayed at not too long. We left with the family to Wallingford, and there to Stellars; which is a Pizza restaurant which also sells beer in pitches [it's pretty intense ._.]
I noticed it was getting pretty late, yet we were eating. So i asked Zazu when the movie was starting [Men Who Stare to Goats] she said "9:40"

I had no idea; but i knew that my curfew is 10-12... So i called the house.. Tara picks up, and i couldn't hear very much because of the restaurant. Tara tells me to call Mum on her cellphone. So i do. I tell mother i'll be home late, because of the late showing. She said she was visiting my Aunt Meichelle (Meichelle has been sick the past week or two because of a heart condition. She may die, so my parents have been visiting her often..) Mother says to call her when the movie is done. I said "Alright." and hung up..

After photo-booth pictures, making fun of Mclane, and drawing on "HEY KIDS, TELL YOUR PARENTS TO BUY MORE BEER" coloring-sheets. There i told them about how my mother said we might be taking my Aunt's dog Busa {Which is a Mastiff mix with Pitbull} and how excited i am to have three pitbulls. But it will be scary, because there's two girls, but one guy... But we'd figure it out.

We left for U-district/Wallingford area soon after.

On the way there we got lost. It was so fun. We yelled and screamed, told each other stories... Panicked, screamed more. It was our time, we were together, and it was so nice..

We walk around the area once we park, and find a bathroom in the 7/11 where we took pictures and frolicked. We went back to the MoonDog place, where they make home-made icecream.. It's really good, but the line was too long! We decided to forget the icecream and go to the movies.

The movie was funny. I'm a hard ass, so i didn't laugh tons (although it was still very funny : ) ). But Zazu was laughing THE WHOLE TIME.

We talk about the movie, and how much Zazu laughed while the credits rolled. We were there until everyone cleared the theater. We walked out, and i was following Larkin... she was going to the bathroom, so i texted Braden... I thought about not calling my mum; but then i realized that it's late already, and if we do something more i'll need to call her anyway.

So i called..
She picked up the phone, as if exhausted, and balling, she said "India, come home now" "What's wrong?!" i thought my aunt had died, to be honest... And i was expecting it, so i wasn't too surprised if that was the reply. But it wasn't... through the shitty reception of both of our phones i hear "Dogs escaped...Dead... Trying to find Kameko"

By this time Larkin was already out of the bathroom, she was staring at me... I felt like my eyes were going to fall out of my head... The image that came to mind were my dogs being ran over. I almost instantly cried, if it weren't for Larkin's quick embrace. I began to panic, and i couldn't find my words. I hung up on my mum and Larkin and i raced down the stairs to Zazu.. Where i .. guiltily, freaked out and told her i need to go home as soon as possible...

I feel bad, i should have been nicer... But i don't know still, what else i would have done. If one of my dogs were dead, i would be crushed.
>i think i've said before, that i honestly believe i could accept the deaths of almost any body. Except my mother, my dogs, and mostly my grandma. If i think about the possibility of them dying, i start to ball..<

We go to the car and leave.. On the way there, i try to act as normal as possible. Kendra and i laid on each other (she was tired) while i texted Braden about the situation.. He had been texting me throughout about mid-way of the movie... Larkin told me a horrifically sad story about Olivia and her mum. Of which i told Olivia i loved her last night; i don't think she understood why. But i hope that helps her, even just a little...

While nearing my home, Larkin told us story about her brothers, and her sister. And how one of her mum's ex-husbands is a sick-fuck.
All the while, i'm looking at the road...hoping to see Ryoko, or Kameko... My mother calls me, "We found Kameko.."
"... Is Ryoko dead?"
"I'll tell you when you get here."
"I'm really close.. I'll be there soon."

As we got closer to my house, i began to frantically look for blood on the road. The possibility that i might see my dog's splattered guts on the floor was the only thing i could think of. As we turned into the entrance of the mountain, i thought the pine-needles int he middle of the road were blood... I literally felt a shock run up my spine as i stared at it..and realized/hoped it was just pine-needles..

We arrived at my house. I told everyone goodbye, and thank you for the time. I hugged each one, and rushed down to my door. When i opened the door i waited for a second, straining to hear the crawler's jingle... Please...jingle..

I go over to the stairs, while i hear one jingle... Kameko, staring down at me from the top of the stiars, her ears perked up... She's not excited, but more curious. My heart sinks, but i still try to get hope... Even though, at this point, there's no logical hope... I rub Kameko's hear and kiss her on the head "Hey Meekies.." i look around.. There's a lump on my parent's bed.. That's Chris... I see a white shoulder in the computer-room chair.. Mother.. I walk over to her "What happened.."

she turns around, slightly red.. But you can tell she had stopped crying for a little. She says "Tara had some friends over... and they let the dogs out... Ryoko got ran over.. We picked her up and she's in the garage.. We're going to cremate her.."
I didn't know what to do.. I had accepted it on the way back home... But at the same time, it's still so hard that i won't have that fat-ass of my cute dog any more. The thought of someone hit-and-running my fucking dog. The thought of Kameko still running after that.. The thought of Ryoko's pain... The thoughts, the thoughts.. I began to cry.. They weren't full of emotion.. But rather, a dull, 'what do i do now?' and/or numb kind of crying... Mother hugged me.. And we cried for about 5 minutes.. My legs shook, i was trying to blame someone.. Was it my sister? Was she drunk? Was it the driver's fault? Is it my fault for leaving? Is it Chris and Mum's fault for leaving? Is it the fault of the house, because we live so close to the high-way? I couldn't find a way.. And still the thought of Ryoko.. no more cute little face, no more fat belly.. no more puffy lip.. no more puffy nose... no more small triangle feet, or the clawing.. Who's going to hog my bed? Who am i going to cuddle with and play with and doesn't give a fuck? Who's going to eat all the scraps on the floor?! Who's going to be my tiny dancer!?

I cried.. i didn't know what to do... By that time all of my makeup was off from rubbing.. I got undressed... While getting undressed i called Braden, and told him.. because i couldn't text right then.. i was too delirious. He tried to sympathize me with how his old cat is lost and he hasn't seen it since... I told him thank you for listening, and i didn't expect him to sympathize but rather i called to tell him the plans for tomorrow may be off because i'm so incredibly devastated... We hung up.. I called Larkin, and told her.. She said she wanted to turn around and come help me.. But that's not what i needed. I wanted time to ball alone, and i can't cry in front of people.. It's really hard for me.. I called Gina... She's been crying too : )

I laid down and cried...and cried... and cried... i stopped...but i would think about how she's gone..and what she meant to me..and how i wasn't able to spend much time with her before i left, and how it was exactly like Aiko... I barely saw her.. And how Ryoko was the momma to the puppies, and Aiko was the momma to Ryoko. And Ryoko's scars she got from all of her lessons... No more Battle-Scar Ryoko... she didn't even get to make it to 13... She's not too old.. not old enough... She's with Aiko..i hope Aiko remembers her...

I was like that until 1... when i heard Kameko... i took Kameko into my room... while she was laying down, i head a jingle... And it wasn't from Kameko... I cried more.. I hoped Ryoko would visit me in my dreams like Aiko did.. She didn't.. Maybe she's still lost...

I texted Braden throughout most of the night... asking him if he could come over Sunday and i could use him for comfort.. We talked about his cats, and his mum.. And necrophiliasm.. I told him to go to sleep : 3

I slept with Kameko... (when i woke her up she looked at me...aggrivated.. I think she's realized though.. That Ryoko isn't here... I'm not sure if she's realized she's not coming back..)
When i woke up at about 7:30, i heard my mom crying in the computer room. She was writing her version of yesterday...

[link]


I was planning on writing about it anyway, so i decided i might as well...especially now...

Good night Ryoko... No dog will be like you : )

~The rain is washing away the tears of my best friend's corpse...~